4 weaknesses to overcome

5 things to bear in mind and improve on;

1)Be more firm in my speech!
2)Dont assume! prove! Read up more!
3)improve EQ (esp communication part with boss)
4)Dont be kan cheong (as told by fyp student)
5)Be more cautious with my actions.

Goal: Become a Good researcher like my senior and postdoc in the lab.

tired....but must strive to overcome difficulties!

hai...recently, i havent been in a good mood, probably because i embark on a new expt which is to do single site mutagenesis, until 9 or 10pm in the lab. There was once i wake up at 7am, hoping to end my expt earlier but because of someone who broke the gel casting tray and just leave it there, need to spend 2h fixing the tray and end up whole schedule being delayed because i have lessons in the intermediate of my expt which i have initially planned so that while waiting for reaction, i would be in the lecture. Oh well, life sometimes can be frustrating and wont go as scheduled due to environment conditions that are sometimes, beyond our control. Recently, I took a cab home because i miss my bus and stay up until 1.30am to wrap up my expt which i couldnt blame anyone because i reversed the direction of gel electrophoresis. I was mad at myself but couldnt concentrate due to lack of sleep is no longer a valid reason that i can console myself with.
I realise, once u start doing expt, u only want to finish at least some parts before u go for lunch or dinner. My meal times have become flexible recently.
This week especially, I feel i do not have much energy and i do not think i have done a good job this week. my expt results failed again. I do not feel good at all because i could have done a better job by being more careful and focused. Although, i can proudly say that i devoted most of my time in lab, even lecture i was thinking about lab, I do not think i have tried my best. Probably, just because of one thread of thoughts to rest because i deserve it, would make me rest instead of finding more details of why the experiments go wrong.
there is another thing I hope that i can learn is to be more confident with my answers. I am thankful of my senior who questions me before i did any experiment yesterday just to affirm that i know what i am doing. I do not know why my character is "shaky" as in why is it when she asks me sth and i become not confident with my answers although i know very well wat is the next step and i start to doubt my answers. I really do not know why. Is it because this is the 1st time i am doing it so i am not confident whether i am right? anyway, i just hope that i can become more confident with whatever i do as well as my goal. I think my senior is using the strict approach but her intention is good, because i know that by doing this, i can learn more. She asked me whether i know what is the significance of the experiment i am doing.I am satisfied with the answer i gave her coz i saw a smile on her face. haha. She also pointed out to me that the pictures i have placed for my ppt slides during presentation is not good and i didnt label. Again, because i pasted the picture at 9am when the meeting is at 9.30am because the previous night i took the picture at 1.30am and hurriedly save it before i go home and there was no time for me to amend. Again, I know this is not a good excuse because i know generally people will only care about the outcome not the process. This, i must bear it in mind. I am really glad that my senior said some sound advice on the importance on doing a good ppt slides so happily i amended my slides and labelled the photo and i am glad that she pointed out to me early while there is hope:) She is busy with her thesis proposal and project, and yet she gives me advices which i didnt requested at all. I am just happy that i have a caring senior because she can dont bother about me since she herself has lots of things to worry about; QET, expt, family. Hence, yesterday night i cant help feeling guilty of not able to get results and help her. my thoughts were..."Why cant i be better?" "What is my problem?" "Why am i so useless?" "Why cant i learn faster?" I should put off those slacking thoughts in my mind while I am in school. Probably, i can be more efficient in this way. No use complaining and only say without actions. I must ultimately get better.

Objective: to become more confident through doing more experiments and read up!

Resolution of year 2010

I think year 2009 has been fulfilling for me; a transition from undergrad to postgrad. I feel that I have matured in my thinking and has become more independent and proactive in research. Yet, I cant help feeling that I still have much to learn from the postdoc and my seniors. I have no idea how they are able to know so much things besides their own research. I really really want to become like them; godly level. This is my 1st resolution. my 2nd resolution would be to clear my modules for 2nd semester; 3rd resolution would be to do my research/ experiment smoothly and be able to work harmoniously with my labmates. 4th resolution is to publish papers; the more the merrier!!! Last but not least, hope that everyone is well and healthy and of coz happy. I cant stand to see more sad faces anymore. These are my 5 resolutions for this year. haha... can tell that my head now is already pre-occupied with labs, labs and more labs. I must really clear my 4 years smoothly!!!! But 1st is my QET!

Tired

Tuesday:Checked my results and woola. I passed the requirement of 3.5. haha luckily gt 2 core modules (advanced thermo and advanced rxn engineering) to balance off 2 b- from the 2 other core modules and get a gpa of 3.75/5. Somehow, i dont feel good of getting b-; they really take the coursework seriously and luckily i study hard for it since everything is new to me. If i didnt study and have the wishful thinking they wud easily grant me at least a b for each module, then i would be in deep trouble. I did study hard for the modules, so although i passed, my feelings are complex.

Wednesday: after 6plus, i left lab and accompany my iran senior cum friend to buy a new year gift for our boss. We went vivo city and got some gifts. She treated me coz she lost the bet that we had on monday night; i told her i definitely cant get above 4.0 and she dont believe me and yah, i won the bet. I gt free burger king meal. ( afternoon i had baked seafood rice). Then we shop around for our stuff =). Reached home quite late at around 11plus and we log in gmail and chatted on what wud happen on next day while preparing boring slides. Hence, we ended up sleeping at 3plus; lack of sleep!

Thursday: Woke up at 730am and proceed for the group meeting. Was zombified and spaced out and couldnt think much. Korean senior was back. Boss said he treating us for lunch again as a new year treat! But this time with the fyp students and poly students. There were 10 of us. I got myself chicken musroom baked rice coz i had seafood baked rice the day b4. It is really unhealthy to keep eating junk food consecutively. Anyway, it was the 3rd time ( 3 out of 3 times we had lunch together which is treated by our boss), i coincidentally ordered the exact same food as boss; no idea why our taste is similar (previous time was prawn dumpling noodle in chinese restaurant; chicken chop in palete). haha. after our meals, i went back to lab and was about to leave lab at 5plus when one postdoc asked me whether i am interested to join them for dinner. I said okay and i really had fun talking to the 2 postdoc while having steamboat (their province's style of steamboat)=)

Why am i in school on a sunday?

As the title suggests, probably u can guess why i end up in school on a sunday. I have to grow cells before i can start the expt on monday. If not, I would waste another day again. But luckily I did. I was shocked when i came back to lab and only realise that my medium is contaminated with cells! I was at a loss to what i can do because i need the medium to grow the cells. I thought of various ways to solve it but none of it met my expectation. I planned to change my schedule but I am doubtful that it would be good. Sigh. Luckily my savior came in, postdoc! He came back with the autoclave keys and i am very thankful of him for helping me to find it. Savior! haha. So, i can progress smoothly; 6pm innoculate cells and 10pm innoculate another batch of cells =)
Still, not many people work on sunday and I feel kind of lonely. haha.

Should I or should I not?

haha. Yesterday's meeting was funny. I shouldnt have prepared something for my presentation because my exam ended on wednesday and i think my sup didnt expect me to do anything much on thursday either and so, he skipped my turn and went into his fav opening line for end of presentation " Any lab matters to discuss?" Perhaps my senior saw that i uploaded ppt slides on the google docs and she said "mh has done something for the presentation." I quickly said nvm dont need. Then sup was saying "really? ok". Then yah i presented. Actually during the postdoc presentation he mention about the project being splitted up by my senior and me. Then boss was saying "mh are u ready?". of coz i said " erm...yes". But my thoughts were "Thought I already started straight after exam?hmm?". After he was surprised i prepared sth for the presentation then i know why he is shocked, coz he nv thought that i was so 'eager' to do lab straight after exam. haha. I scalded my index finger for nth.

I failed my expt on friday but i found out the reason for the failure and the postdoc recommended me a solution and yep. Of coz i was happy. My schedule was to complete the assay on friday and monday can start measuring the activity of supernatant of cells. But the problem is, I dont know where are the strains. Then i need to get single colony which takes 2 days and then overnight dilution which takes another day. then i cant start on monday !!!!! If I can get agar plates with these strains from my senior, then i can fit into my schedule perfectly. The problem is sunday i must come back no matter wat. 1st is to prepare the stuff (innoculate cells) and then to synthesise AI-2 (because i keep diluting, and try whatever methods that come to my mind to improve my results and finish up the AI-2 that i synthesised on thursday) for re-doing luminesecence assay. I have to finish watever task that was allocated to me by next week!!!! (I havent go through 1st trail yet, being inexperienced I scared that I may make a mistake along the way)

Finally one last paper for this sem

Phew...It has been a tough month I would say. It is not easy to learn chemical engineering from scratch. I have to put in more efforts than my undergrad years and hope that my effort will be paid off when i can get at least a B for all my modules. So far, i think (I think only la) i am the average group (gathering from feedbacks on the paper from the rest). Mathematical engineering had a tough examination which really caught me by surprise. He came up with quite a large % of matlab questions which i didnt have the time to really figure out wat is going on. haha. U know, I already have to do mathematical stuff which was not an emphasis in my undergraduate years. Even basic notation, I have long 4gotten them. Besides, I have to make use of these short months to grasp new concepts (concepts which were introduced in undergrad chem engineer). It is tough for me i would say, even to catch up with the rest. If i can get at least a B for all my modules, I can imagine now that this satisfaction would be a lot greater than what i have attained after my recent graduation. This would be more meaningful and could really affirm whether I am really worthy...

Just recently, I heard from my senior (one yr senior) cum friend (dinner buddy) that she discussed with the postdoc from lab and had planned what i should do after exam. I was told about their plans by the postdoc and he said asap gather the info and do the expt. haha. Didnt expect that I have to chiong lab so early (most probably next day after my exam and research for materials on the last day of my exam) though I had in mind that I would like to do the project that I proposed as well as the project continuation from my senior.I do not know whether I should be happy or sad. haha. I really want to help my senior after understanding her situation and somemhow i feel weird that they are already planning what i should do even before my exam is over.