tired....but must strive to overcome difficulties!

hai...recently, i havent been in a good mood, probably because i embark on a new expt which is to do single site mutagenesis, until 9 or 10pm in the lab. There was once i wake up at 7am, hoping to end my expt earlier but because of someone who broke the gel casting tray and just leave it there, need to spend 2h fixing the tray and end up whole schedule being delayed because i have lessons in the intermediate of my expt which i have initially planned so that while waiting for reaction, i would be in the lecture. Oh well, life sometimes can be frustrating and wont go as scheduled due to environment conditions that are sometimes, beyond our control. Recently, I took a cab home because i miss my bus and stay up until 1.30am to wrap up my expt which i couldnt blame anyone because i reversed the direction of gel electrophoresis. I was mad at myself but couldnt concentrate due to lack of sleep is no longer a valid reason that i can console myself with.
I realise, once u start doing expt, u only want to finish at least some parts before u go for lunch or dinner. My meal times have become flexible recently.
This week especially, I feel i do not have much energy and i do not think i have done a good job this week. my expt results failed again. I do not feel good at all because i could have done a better job by being more careful and focused. Although, i can proudly say that i devoted most of my time in lab, even lecture i was thinking about lab, I do not think i have tried my best. Probably, just because of one thread of thoughts to rest because i deserve it, would make me rest instead of finding more details of why the experiments go wrong.
there is another thing I hope that i can learn is to be more confident with my answers. I am thankful of my senior who questions me before i did any experiment yesterday just to affirm that i know what i am doing. I do not know why my character is "shaky" as in why is it when she asks me sth and i become not confident with my answers although i know very well wat is the next step and i start to doubt my answers. I really do not know why. Is it because this is the 1st time i am doing it so i am not confident whether i am right? anyway, i just hope that i can become more confident with whatever i do as well as my goal. I think my senior is using the strict approach but her intention is good, because i know that by doing this, i can learn more. She asked me whether i know what is the significance of the experiment i am doing.I am satisfied with the answer i gave her coz i saw a smile on her face. haha. She also pointed out to me that the pictures i have placed for my ppt slides during presentation is not good and i didnt label. Again, because i pasted the picture at 9am when the meeting is at 9.30am because the previous night i took the picture at 1.30am and hurriedly save it before i go home and there was no time for me to amend. Again, I know this is not a good excuse because i know generally people will only care about the outcome not the process. This, i must bear it in mind. I am really glad that my senior said some sound advice on the importance on doing a good ppt slides so happily i amended my slides and labelled the photo and i am glad that she pointed out to me early while there is hope:) She is busy with her thesis proposal and project, and yet she gives me advices which i didnt requested at all. I am just happy that i have a caring senior because she can dont bother about me since she herself has lots of things to worry about; QET, expt, family. Hence, yesterday night i cant help feeling guilty of not able to get results and help her. my thoughts were..."Why cant i be better?" "What is my problem?" "Why am i so useless?" "Why cant i learn faster?" I should put off those slacking thoughts in my mind while I am in school. Probably, i can be more efficient in this way. No use complaining and only say without actions. I must ultimately get better.

Objective: to become more confident through doing more experiments and read up!