Fate

I think life is an amazing yet profound thing. Life is full of mystery and sometimes it is beyond our control which could caught us off by surprise. Like in cny eve of eve (friday), I was walking around ntuc fairprice at jurong point with nazanin (my senior labmate). The NTUC was super crowded because there are a lot of residents in boonlay and a lot of foreigners too. It is hard to walk around. I guess when u are fated to see that person, u will see him/her amidst the crowd. God has arranged everything. I saw postdoc from my lab with his family. It is really unexpected because imagine u be in the same place and same time as your colleague and somemore it is so crowded (among so many people), u still bump into your colleague. I think it is really amazing. Yesterday, I bump into my korean senior from lab (Aram). Actually i didnt notice. I was having meal with my family at one of the fastfood near my house (bp plaza)as usual. But yesterday we chose mac and had our dinner there. We were staying a while longer (5-10mins) in mac after finishing our dinner because my bro wasnt feeling well so my mum suggested we sit for a while. Then someone stand up directly in front of me (2 tables away from my table)and she was shifting to another place while holding the icecream. I notice that she looks familiar and took a glance longer while she is shifting to a few tables to the left of the table she was occupying; I realise she is Aram and the other person is her korean friend. I think her friend realise I am looking at their direction or something else happened because Aram turned to my direction. We chatted a bit and i was wondering why she came here coz she stays in pioneer, she was here because her friend live in senja and somehow they decide to eat mac icecream. Actually i didnt notice when she came into mac because u know, people keep coming in and leaving mac and I couldnt possibly notice everyone (looking at my food and chatting with my family and the layout of the mac). I think it is too coincidental. My bro and I came back from ntu openhouse to our house at that timing, we decided to have mac, my bro wasnt feeling well so waited a while longer(which make me notice there is a person standing up in front of me after i finished my meal) , she was seated in front of me (2 tables away; I was seated facing the window). All these sequences and position (must be exact) has been arranged by god and make us bump into each other. Fate is really something that is profound. I guess being able to be working together in the same lab is a sign of the group of us from different background, being fated to meet. This is especially strong in this period, hence i am able to chance upon my labmates even when outside of the lab (no prearrangement or anything or talking abt our plans). I think this side of fate is really amazing. But I dont know whether this fate would be a temporary one because eventually, we would all return to our nation and this fate may be lost in due time.

Long time no post

sian, yesterday's expt failed again. I have failed the gene knockout expt since last xmas....zzzz.. 2 friends have advised me to go bugis pray so today i made my way to bugis temple and pray. In the temple, I was thinking what the fortune teller told me about my yin yuan and recently, just feeling strange. So i decided to ask how my yin yuan is going. haha i just draw qian once and it is the correct one liao (swift; i just ask yin yuan and poof, it was a siao4 bei1 for twice and so my mum was saying it must be very accurate :).Alas, the qian was about: "The virtuous man stands apart from villians: whose conduct will show their faults....you must look for a genuine friend, for no one except him can really help u....." 君子莫体小人为，事若差池各是非；琴鸣须用知音听，守常安静得依稀。 Somehow, it seems like my partner havent arrived yet? haha. But wat really bring me thinking is that genuine friend connecting to my yin yuan (advisor???) Wah, it is so profound. Alas, possibly that fortune teller that i went to is not that accurate afterall :) so i dont need to worry about anything unduly.
Anyway, I was thinking about buying a comfortable covered shoes to wear and i liked the traces shoes:) The price is steep to me coz i have never bought a near 70 bucks shoes before but luckily there is a 20% discount and so i have to paid around 50bucks. I keep consoling myself that it is worth it since i need a comfortable shoe to comfort myself. Anyway, the design isnot very nice but i am more of the practical side. I prefer comfortable shoes than nice looking shoes.

i am sleeping in the flat near ntu campus next week. I am not sure whether i am used to it but i know this will definitely benefitted me:)

Lost.....................

Yesterday went home at 1 plus am. I started my experiment at 10am w/o rest but still end up at 1plus am. Luckily the fyp student i am working with has a car and of coz i would give him a treat when i have the chance. haha coz it is not on his way back home; he lives in tampines. But i know that this would be the last time because I would feel guilty. Once is enough already! yah. How i wished then that my flat is just near school and i can just walk to my flat and sleep...zzzzz.

Today i messaged my friend again to ask when i can meet up with the landlady. Yeash. she said tuesday. It is very tiring to sleep so late at night and wake up early the next day; lack of sleep.
Back to my research. I couldnt get good result :( and also during the group meeting, The other 1st year and me were asked by prof to meet him to discuss about our thesis project. I do not have time to think about my project because i was busily carrying out the experiment and planning each experiment to make sure it progresses smoothly and everyday has experiments to do. Each day i would update what would i be doing on that day and the subsequent day. The advisors were my korean senior and postdoc. i was thrown to be in charge of this task called single site mutagenesis. And if i should encounter any weird result, i can ask for their advices. Otherwise, I would be in charge of planning and performing the protocol. Sometimes I would give suggestions to improve the results but i just feel that i take a longer time to find some suggestions and is not as deep in thoughts as those given by postdoc and korean senior. I need to read up more i guess and to accumulate more experiences.

So, i planned to come to school on sunday afternoon till night to work on experiment and to carry out some preparations for the next day experiments (heard that not only me is going back to lab on sunday). I realise that it is impossible to say "ok, today i do expt" because there is a need for preparations and all these need planning. Monday, i dont have class so i can spare some time extra to do more experiment. But, regarding the coursework, i have not touched anything on it yet. I just hope I can catch up last minute.

I really hope that i can get good results next week....

4 weaknesses to overcome

5 things to bear in mind and improve on;

1)Be more firm in my speech!
2)Dont assume! prove! Read up more!
3)improve EQ (esp communication part with boss)
4)Dont be kan cheong (as told by fyp student)
5)Be more cautious with my actions.

Goal: Become a Good researcher like my senior and postdoc in the lab.

tired....but must strive to overcome difficulties!

hai...recently, i havent been in a good mood, probably because i embark on a new expt which is to do single site mutagenesis, until 9 or 10pm in the lab. There was once i wake up at 7am, hoping to end my expt earlier but because of someone who broke the gel casting tray and just leave it there, need to spend 2h fixing the tray and end up whole schedule being delayed because i have lessons in the intermediate of my expt which i have initially planned so that while waiting for reaction, i would be in the lecture. Oh well, life sometimes can be frustrating and wont go as scheduled due to environment conditions that are sometimes, beyond our control. Recently, I took a cab home because i miss my bus and stay up until 1.30am to wrap up my expt which i couldnt blame anyone because i reversed the direction of gel electrophoresis. I was mad at myself but couldnt concentrate due to lack of sleep is no longer a valid reason that i can console myself with.
I realise, once u start doing expt, u only want to finish at least some parts before u go for lunch or dinner. My meal times have become flexible recently.
This week especially, I feel i do not have much energy and i do not think i have done a good job this week. my expt results failed again. I do not feel good at all because i could have done a better job by being more careful and focused. Although, i can proudly say that i devoted most of my time in lab, even lecture i was thinking about lab, I do not think i have tried my best. Probably, just because of one thread of thoughts to rest because i deserve it, would make me rest instead of finding more details of why the experiments go wrong.
there is another thing I hope that i can learn is to be more confident with my answers. I am thankful of my senior who questions me before i did any experiment yesterday just to affirm that i know what i am doing. I do not know why my character is "shaky" as in why is it when she asks me sth and i become not confident with my answers although i know very well wat is the next step and i start to doubt my answers. I really do not know why. Is it because this is the 1st time i am doing it so i am not confident whether i am right? anyway, i just hope that i can become more confident with whatever i do as well as my goal. I think my senior is using the strict approach but her intention is good, because i know that by doing this, i can learn more. She asked me whether i know what is the significance of the experiment i am doing.I am satisfied with the answer i gave her coz i saw a smile on her face. haha. She also pointed out to me that the pictures i have placed for my ppt slides during presentation is not good and i didnt label. Again, because i pasted the picture at 9am when the meeting is at 9.30am because the previous night i took the picture at 1.30am and hurriedly save it before i go home and there was no time for me to amend. Again, I know this is not a good excuse because i know generally people will only care about the outcome not the process. This, i must bear it in mind. I am really glad that my senior said some sound advice on the importance on doing a good ppt slides so happily i amended my slides and labelled the photo and i am glad that she pointed out to me early while there is hope:) She is busy with her thesis proposal and project, and yet she gives me advices which i didnt requested at all. I am just happy that i have a caring senior because she can dont bother about me since she herself has lots of things to worry about; QET, expt, family. Hence, yesterday night i cant help feeling guilty of not able to get results and help her. my thoughts were..."Why cant i be better?" "What is my problem?" "Why am i so useless?" "Why cant i learn faster?" I should put off those slacking thoughts in my mind while I am in school. Probably, i can be more efficient in this way. No use complaining and only say without actions. I must ultimately get better.

Objective: to become more confident through doing more experiments and read up!

Resolution of year 2010

I think year 2009 has been fulfilling for me; a transition from undergrad to postgrad. I feel that I have matured in my thinking and has become more independent and proactive in research. Yet, I cant help feeling that I still have much to learn from the postdoc and my seniors. I have no idea how they are able to know so much things besides their own research. I really really want to become like them; godly level. This is my 1st resolution. my 2nd resolution would be to clear my modules for 2nd semester; 3rd resolution would be to do my research/ experiment smoothly and be able to work harmoniously with my labmates. 4th resolution is to publish papers; the more the merrier!!! Last but not least, hope that everyone is well and healthy and of coz happy. I cant stand to see more sad faces anymore. These are my 5 resolutions for this year. haha... can tell that my head now is already pre-occupied with labs, labs and more labs. I must really clear my 4 years smoothly!!!! But 1st is my QET!

Tired

Tuesday:Checked my results and woola. I passed the requirement of 3.5. haha luckily gt 2 core modules (advanced thermo and advanced rxn engineering) to balance off 2 b- from the 2 other core modules and get a gpa of 3.75/5. Somehow, i dont feel good of getting b-; they really take the coursework seriously and luckily i study hard for it since everything is new to me. If i didnt study and have the wishful thinking they wud easily grant me at least a b for each module, then i would be in deep trouble. I did study hard for the modules, so although i passed, my feelings are complex.

Wednesday: after 6plus, i left lab and accompany my iran senior cum friend to buy a new year gift for our boss. We went vivo city and got some gifts. She treated me coz she lost the bet that we had on monday night; i told her i definitely cant get above 4.0 and she dont believe me and yah, i won the bet. I gt free burger king meal. ( afternoon i had baked seafood rice). Then we shop around for our stuff =). Reached home quite late at around 11plus and we log in gmail and chatted on what wud happen on next day while preparing boring slides. Hence, we ended up sleeping at 3plus; lack of sleep!

Thursday: Woke up at 730am and proceed for the group meeting. Was zombified and spaced out and couldnt think much. Korean senior was back. Boss said he treating us for lunch again as a new year treat! But this time with the fyp students and poly students. There were 10 of us. I got myself chicken musroom baked rice coz i had seafood baked rice the day b4. It is really unhealthy to keep eating junk food consecutively. Anyway, it was the 3rd time ( 3 out of 3 times we had lunch together which is treated by our boss), i coincidentally ordered the exact same food as boss; no idea why our taste is similar (previous time was prawn dumpling noodle in chinese restaurant; chicken chop in palete). haha. after our meals, i went back to lab and was about to leave lab at 5plus when one postdoc asked me whether i am interested to join them for dinner. I said okay and i really had fun talking to the 2 postdoc while having steamboat (their province's style of steamboat)=)